So it's bonfire night and I'm sat in the kitchen by myself... loner. It's not that I have no friends, I do, but they all have plans with their friends from their course and I would hate to go and not know a single soul! What a bore I am!
Things are going okay, I had a slip the other day. I almost did something really bad but I sorted myself out. Sometimes I can't help but revert to the person I used to be, the bad version of me. I don't want to be that person anymore so I'm trying to better. My friends and boyfriend help me out a lot but I still seem to find myself reverting to the internet to express myself, whether it's on here, or twitter, or instagram or even tumblr, I can't help myself. It's as if I feel uncomfortable around everyone else in my life but my laptop, which is a scary thought.
I feel as if I should be having a more interesting university experience, but in reality, now that I'm here I don't feel the need to go out to a club every night, get wasted and act a twat. I'd rather go to my neighbours place, have a few drinks and get into bed early enough to have an hour of Netflix's before sleep. It's as if I'm an old woman!
I have no idea what to do with myself these days, other than go to lectures and sit in bed watching Netflix. I'm not fit so I can't join a sport society and I don't have the self confidence required to join the gym. I wouldn't want to do that to myself! And let's be honest, no one wants to watch me get all hot and sweaty on a treadmill and potentially die of a heart attack!
Anyway, I should probably get back to Netflix.
Happy Bonfire Night people!
Jen

Confusion

I can't sleep. I was trying to think of something to do. I though I might try this whole 'blogging' thing again. I suck at it, but who cares? This is an outlet for stress and problems. So here goes...
I love my boyfriend and my parents, but no one really understands me. No one really cares about what I want, or the kind of person I want to be. L just wants me to be the perfect little housewife that stays at home and puts out at a moments notice. Don't get me wrong, not all of his ideas are bad ;) but I want more! Is that so hard to understand?!!?
He moans that I never tell him anything, but when I do tell him, he couldn't care less or finds someway to turn anything into a negative to use as an excuse to make me come home. But newsflash - IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK!!! I'm here now and I'm doing this, even if I have to do it alone!
My house mates and the few friends I've made on my course are lovely and make things easier. Although they can be a little 'judgey' at times which makes me super uncomfortable. I'm the way I am, if you don't like it, fuck off. But really, everyone is lovely and I couldn't ask for a better circle of close friends. I think this year my not be so bad after all. If only I could convince L of that!?!?
I'm not the only one having relationship issues though! My neighbour, R, is having problems with his long term girlfriend. His story is like mine but in reverse. He's the one that left home to come to university and left her at home with her same old job, doing the same old shit day in, day out. Why can our partners not understand that we are doing this for a better future?
R is so funny though. He makes me laugh even when L makes me want to cry. I don't think he feels the same way about our friendship as I do though. He seems to be making 'best friends' with his housemate T. She's lovely and I couldn't say a bad word about her, she is an utter diamond and makes my life that little bit better when I see her bouncing red curls going mad in the wind! But I want R to laugh at my jokes, like I laugh at his. But he's a good friend and I think I'm just being a bitter bitch because I left my best friend at home and so she's moving on and making loads of new friends and forgetting all about me. I can't blame her though, she deserves better than me. I can be a shitty friend sometimes. I just hope she knows I love her regardless.
                  So that has been me spewing my guts up to a frigging laptop in hopes that it will provide some peace of mine so I can sleep, or produce the magical answers to why the hell my life is so fucked at the minute and how I can make everything better!
If you have any idea's about how to solve my ridiculous life, don't hesitate to let me know. I'm open all ears. I'm willing to try practically anything to make these next 3 years as painless as possible.
So on that note, Au Revoir, Goodnight, Peace. <3

So a friend recommended I try blogging. I'm not really sure what to write about, if I'm honest. So I think I'll just be myself and talk about the things that impact me and my life.
My life has altered significantly in the last 3 months. I got accepted to university - yay! I let home, moved away from my family, my friends and my boyfriend. I'm not a million miles from home but far enough that at night and when I'm not busy with lecturers I feel lonely. Don't get me wrong my housemates and the friends I've made are all great but they have such busy schedules I struggle to keep up sometimes!
So about me then, well I'm 18, I'm studying Psychology - don't worry I won't try to read your minds! I'm ginger - whether that has an impact on my life I'm not sure really. I have a great family but like most girls I have certain daddy issues, but then who doesn't?!?!?!
My life has been really hard at times and if it weren't for my family and friends I would not be able to say that I sit here now in my dorm room writing this very blog. But now I've left home, I've left all my friends, so what am I supposed to do now? Well this is the point at which I turn to you, people of the internet, to help me through the tough times. I may not know you and you may not know me but I have faith that you'll listen to my crazy ramblings from time to time. Well let's face it, you don't really have a choice do you?
I feel a little like a fool now so I think I'll leave my first post here for now and come back later.
Loves, Jen x